guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
