I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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