you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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