toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
