Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
