I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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