I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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