Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize