that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
