oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
