he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
