A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
