Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
