I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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