No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
