Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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