If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
