he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
