It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
