He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So squirting runs in the family.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
