Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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