fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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