im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
the liver wants what the liver wants
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am available for nakedness
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize