I am spending my child support on dildos
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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