I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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