the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
