I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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