Apparently you make a good broom.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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