I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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