Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
