This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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