So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
