Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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