I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize