He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
God, I missed his penis.
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