It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
