I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
