I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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