so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
