she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
