It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
