what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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