Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
