Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
