He uses pillows to masturbate.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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