I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
whose parrot is this?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
