I puked a lego.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
