dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
