mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
