i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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