you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
