piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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