She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize