What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
