the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
