i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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