loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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