so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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