There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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