You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
