i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize