So drunk its hurt
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
