You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
