first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
