I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
