Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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