Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My vagina just recognized that song.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
