i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think my tv is drunk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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