So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
