I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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