im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
