im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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