Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
