I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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