honey bunches of taint.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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