The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
