He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
did i walk over a car last night?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
