im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we should paint friendship bongs
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