Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
