how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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