those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
worst night to have a conscience
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
